I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
