The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
