i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
