Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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