Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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