I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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