I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
