Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
