Midget sex pt 2 tonight
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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