I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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