Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
