just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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