he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
