I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
