He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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