the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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