We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
