Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
