Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
