I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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