Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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