There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
