Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
