dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
