yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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