i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
