I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
