Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
