Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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