Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
