the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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