just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
