kristin has been a bad kristin
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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