Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
