conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
