where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
