first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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