4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
