had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
