just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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