in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
