why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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