Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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