this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
