i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
