i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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