i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
