Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
