I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
