when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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